I don’t remember the actual reason I’ve found myself in this place. They leaded me to the Boston Asylum after the incident on the Cyclops. I still can’t understand how I survived that day. All my former colleagues… friends… They are all dead now. Something unimaginable got them, some great power I can’t explain. Dr Bryson, responsible for my case, seems a nice person. I hope he can help me get rid of my visions and bad dreams.
They put me in a single cell with soft walls. I was told that I’m free to go away anytime, but I’m, obviously, locked up here. Doors are locked and I even can’t leave this cell. Maybe, some time in a safe closed place, far from the sea and water, will do good for me. Doctors come every day and ask questions about my past. I think they’ll report to the officials. By the way, I still didn’t receive any documents from my Command. I may be unsuitable for the Navy now. I wonder if they deliver mail here.
Today I talked to a nurse, she asked about things I was scared of. If I’ll find myself in the army after the therapy, I hope these notes will be a medical reason to avoid a service on fleet.
I tell the nurse about my service at Navy as a deep water diver, about the Cyclops, my fear of water, of darkness. She puts down my every single word, then politely smiles and leaves without saying anything. I can see her eyes running, staring at the walls, at the floor. But she never looks in my eyes. Is she scared of something?
Events on the Cyclops
I’m on the small island. Cold gray sand, short waves pushing me out from water. Algae, mud, dead fish everywhere, an unbearable stench. When the USS Cyclops began sinking, it was madness: screams turning into crying, thundering metal creaking. I’m sure that I remember a big ladder, which connected the first and the second decks, falling down next to me. It crushed one of the sailors. Tonnes of water filling the insides of the ship, washing everything away, straight into wet embrace of the bottomless abyss. I found myself among the floating seaweed, drowning, but I was lucky enough to feel for a small piece of our boat. The headache I had that moment, was the worst I ever had. The ocean was extremely cold, I stopped feeling my legs in five minutes. If they’re frostbitten, there’s little chance to save them. If I lose them, how am I supposed to survive? No friends or relatives left, no work, no livelihood. I’m gonna die or spent my last days in the streets. And then die anyway. My consciousness flows through fingers. If someone saved me that day, I know, it was someone else but god.
How much more time will I spend in the hospital?! I haven’t slept for days, eyes pinch terribly, every time I close them, I see the Cyclops. And this huge thing rising from the sea, its red eyes, each the size of the clock of a city hall, stare at me. Something calls me. Somewhere down to the bottom of the ocean. Where the sun never appeared.
No water, no food
One cursed island, two days, no food, no water. It’s cold. All the time, even by the day. I don’t have anything else but a wracked white navy uniform. I can’t see the sun or feel its warmth, but I know that it’s somewhere above me. I tried to cut my way through high grass, sharp as knives. It seems like something doesn’t want me to go further. But I need to find something to eat and drink. And, possibly, materials for the raft.
I didn’t expect them to use my words against me! I told I fear water, and they swaddled me in drenched sheets. I feel so constrained, I can’t move, I can't breath! I feel like I’m drowning... And it’s very cold. I told that I’m scared of darkness, and they put me alone in an absolute black rooms, blindfolded. I hear something all the time so I found a corner where I could feel walls with my back. I’m very quite, my heart beats barely noticeable. I hope they won’t find me as long as I’m keeping silence. It's so dark… So lonely…
I found some plants with broad leaves. It rains almost every day, so I left some of them on the shore. Some leaves already keep fresh water, so I drink it very greedy. Now I’m able to survive two or three more days. There are absolutely no animals on the island, and some plants that I found, have unknown, poor looking fruits. Not sure if I should eat them. If things get worse, I'll try.
I eat dead fish washed on the shore, as there is no other food around. Fish already started rotting. It’s pretty disgusting, I nearly threw up, but I have no much choice.
I can’t stand that anymore! Please! The doctor who visited me today, was far from what is called alive! Black holes instead of eyes, worms cyrclling inside, I swear I could hear them moving! Half decayed gray skin, and he was pulling his hand out to me! I tried to strike him with a plate, the only item, besides my pillow, that I had in the cell. Then I felt a strong grip and passed out. They later told me that I attacked the doctor, but I remember what I saw…
It’s getting darker
I’m not sure how many days I've spent here. Three days? A week? A month? I eat rotten fish from the shore, as there is not anything else to eat. I keep some water in the leaves. All the time I feel something watching me from the thickets. I don’t see them, but they definitely see me. They do not attack yet, but I hear them whispering and moving in the grass. Wish I had a gun.
Rock and stick
I can’t stay on the beach any longer, fish has rotten to the core and it’s impossible to eat it now. I must go to the center of the island. I found a sharp stone and put in the pocket, took a stick and broke its end to make it sharp enough if I meet an animal.
Today I heard a strange noise from the hall and tried the door of my cell. It was opened. Wonder why. I thought that it was a guy from the adjacent cell so I sneaked out and followed the noise, despite the fact that all my nature was resisting this. I walked some steps and saw an outline of the figure. It was weirdly arched and, if it was a person, it was moving too unnatural. When I got closer to the figure, I understood how wrong I was. This thing, I can’t call this human, turned to me and froze, swaying slightly. It had no head, arms were attached to the body and its entire frame was an unhealthy, disgusting crumpled clot of flesh. Suddenly it moved in my direction, balancing between a lame and bouncing gait. I cried out something like “No!” or “Get out of me!”. I tried to ran back to my cell, but everything dissipated. I was running along the corridor, which seemed too long, followed by this beast. Suddenly the floor cracked under my feet, and I fell down. There was only a sticky dark after that.
I walk through the grass, the ground slightly vibrats. I swear that I walked only two or three meters and saw a plain. There was nothing like that earlier, although I covered a bigger distance during my previous attempt. Two magnificent stone statues appeared before my eyes. I think I saw them shimmer, although it was dark around. Ancient Atlas, it’s older that our world. Something dark and horrible and I even can’t explain its origin. It scares me and attracts me at the same time. I’m face to face with it here. I also found a strange artifact and when I touched it, I had a vision as if some little creature, like a bug, tried to enter my ear! I started shaking my head trying to get rid of it. I think I succeed, because this terrible feeling was gone. I ran back to the sea and spent the rest of day there beneath the high rocks, hoping nobody shows up. I was wrong – the island wasn’t empty, as I decided from the very beginning. I can’t fall asleep in that place anymore.
I don’t know how but I noticed a small boat some miles away from the land. They found me starving, half-mad and babbling about the ancient ruins and their denizens. I spent days on the ship in the hold. There was no much light, permanent pitching and the smell of rum, wet ropes and rats. I slept much, chased by terrible visions all the time. The ship docked in the port of Boston. The officials said none of what I thought I’d seen was real. But I know what I saw. What I felt. Also my strange powers, gained after the ordeal. Never felt anything like that. But I can’t get rid of the thought that something is still hunting me. It will try to get me later.
Dr Bryson says that previously used methods don’t help, and he has another idea. It’s a new experimental therapy and highly likely it will work. But he needs my agreement. He doesn’t tell much about it, but my visions are overwhelming me. No matter what, I’d agree for anything that helps to get rid of them.
My body is one big piece of agonizing flesh. When Dr Bryson said about the new method, he never mentioned that it would hurt that much. I felt tears burst from my eyes on my own, I wanted to scream, but there wasn’t enough air in my lungs to even breathe.. Please, make it stop, I’m not getting better! It’s continuing for few days, and after the last session I started thinking about quitting the game… My cell is too empty to find any instrument, they don’t give knives or forks, only spoons. The majority of time I spend lying in the bed, gazing on the ceiling, trying not to think. Sometimes I fall asleep. Sometimes it’s absolute dark and nothingness and sometimes I ran or hide from unnatural, abominable creatures.
It seems like there was no progress, until they brought electrodes. They kept my thoughts jumbled, after a week of procedures, I see things less often. The only thing that keeps my mind together – the words of the doctor. He reminds me who I am, what’s my name, where I am, and that these days are almost ended. He also gave me concoctions to keep me sane. I think it works. Not perfect, but it works. I'm starting seeing things clear.
Last days of incarceration
I don't know how much time passed. Doctor said that I got over it quite fast, to his surprise. I nearly stopped believing I would ever leave this place, as I heard lots of similar stories about people who die in places like that, never seeing the light of the day again. But I’m leaving the Boston Asylum soon. I keep getting tablets given by Dr Bryson. They make it a bit easier, but it doesn’t last long. I have to take pills every three days. It seems I’m getting used to it - my strange power didn’t disappeared and I even started using it to understand some things - now the question is for better or for worse.